Living with Compassion: Moving Beyond the Deserving Mindset

The idea that people "deserve" wealth—or don’t—can subtly shape how we view ourselves and others. It ties worth to financial success, ignoring the deeper reality of human needs, privilege, and opportunity. From an NVC (Nonviolent Communication) perspective, this "deserves" mindset distracts us from the underlying feelings and unmet needs that drive our choices.

In truth, life is more nuanced. Many people work tirelessly and still face financial hardship—often due to systemic inequalities, not lack of effort. When we view wealth through the lens of merit alone, we can unintentionally reinforce blame and shame, rather than cultivate empathy and understanding.

Deserves Thinking vs. Needs Awareness

"Deserves thinking" says: They don’t have enough because they didn’t try hard enough. Or: I haven’t earned rest, joy, or abundance yet.

NVC invites us to shift this thinking. Instead of asking Who deserves what?, we ask:

• What are the feelings underneath this?

• What needs are seeking to be met?

This approach brings us closer to connection—both with ourselves and others. For example, the drive for wealth might be rooted not in greed, but in needs for security, freedom, or contribution. Likewise, financial struggle may bring up shame, frustration, or grief—pointing to unmet needs for dignity, stability, or care.

True Richness Is Relational

When we tie self-worth to wealth, we risk disconnecting from what matters most: emotional depth, relationships, kindness, and community. These are the foundations of genuine well-being—what NVC might describe as life-serving needs that transcend material measures.

Letting go of the idea that we must earn fulfillment allows us to live more intentionally. We begin to value our choices not for what they prove, but for how they meet real needs—our own and those of others.

Living with Intention, Not Proving Our Worth

NVC reminds us: every action is an attempt to meet a need. We don’t need to justify our worth through productivity or prove we deserve love, rest, or peace. These are universal needs—not prizes.

When we pause and ask, What am I feeling? What need is alive in me right now?—we begin to relate to ourselves with more tenderness and curiosity. And in that space, the question of deserving quietly fades.